Believe in brighter days

I was telling someone the other day about my arrival in Detroit a few years back. I remember riding a cab through downtown and noting how incredibly dismal the sky looked compared to Chicago, where I’d relocated from just a few hours before. I wondered if the sun ever shined here.

Well, of course it does.

But, at that snapshot in time, I doubted I’d ever see the blindingly bright days I’d grudgingly left behind. In the months and years afterward, hydroplane races, riverfront festivals and long hours in my urban garden were enjoyed beneath record high temperatures and southern-style humidity. I soon got over the gray skies that I thought would rule my life here.

I thought of that uncertainty when I first heard Joss Stone’s song, “Bruised But Not Broken.” It’s a tale of love gone awry – as love is known to do – and the wounded woman’s promise to herself that, “the pain will fade. . .I’ll get back on my feet.”

What struck me most is the wisdom in that song sung by someone so young. What is Joss? 20? At that age, many young lovers don’t believe that the sting of betrayal or crushing hurt of a broken heart will ever go away. They don’t have enough experiences behind them to know that there really are more fish in the sea (oh, so many. . .). Some of them lose their will to swim back out into the world all together and we lose those very young people to despondency, depression and suicide.

The holiday season is upon us, a time of year when joy is supposed to abound. But for the despondent during these days, pain can be easily ignored in the bustle of spending, cooking and kissing under the mistletoe.

The Mayo Clinic web says that “holiday stress and depression are often the result of three main trigger points. Understanding these trigger points can help you plan ahead on how to accommodate them.” (Learn more about dealing with relationships, finances and physical demands this time of year. )

“It's OK to feel bad, but try to separate your emotions from your actions for the moment. Realize that depression, other mental disorders or long-lasting despair can distort your perceptions and impair your ability to make sound decisions. Suicidal feelings are the result of treatable illnesses. So try to act as if there are other options, even if you may not see them right now.” (Source: Mayo Clinic web site)

According to National Institute of Mental Health statistics:

In 2004, suicide was the third leading cause of death in each of the following age groups. Of every 100,000 young people in each age group, the following number died by suicide:

· Children ages 10 to 14 — 1.3 per 100,000
· Adolescents ages 15 to 19 — 8.2 per 100,000
· Young adults ages 20 to 24 — 12.5 per 100,000

As in the general population, young people were much more likely to use firearms, suffocation, and poisoning than other methods of suicide, overall. However, while adolescents and young adults were more likely to use firearms than suffocation, children were dramatically more likely to use suffocation.

There were also gender differences in suicide among young people, as follows:

· Almost four times as many males as females ages 15 to 19 died by suicide.
· More than six times as many males as females ages 20 to 24 died by suicide.

The NIMH cites symptoms of depression as including the following (though all symptoms may not be present):

· Persistent sad, anxious, or "empty" mood
· Feelings of hopelessness, pessimism
· Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, helplessness
· Loss of interest or pleasure in hobbies and activities
· Decreased energy, fatigue, being "slowed down"
· Difficulty concentrating, remembering, making decisions
· Difficulty sleeping, early-morning awakening, or oversleeping
· Appetite and/or weight changes
· Thoughts of death or suicide; suicide attempts
· Restlessness, irritability
· Persistent physical symptoms

If you feel that someone you love is depressed or suicidal, click here to read how family and friends can help or call the toll-free, 24-hour hotline of the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255); TTY: 1-800-799-4TTY (4889) for immediate crisis help.

I think it’s true that challenges can make us stronger. Through experience, we can better cope with the hills and valleys life throws our way. You can’t avoid the bruises, but you don’t have to break.

Just as new activities, interests and friends helped change my perception of Detroit’s different environment, a kind word, keen eye or quick call might keep someone you know or love from succumbing to the belief that their sun will never shine again.

Progress is a Slow Train Coming

Today my Black child
male
draws oohs and aahs of
handsome, smart, polite.

Tomorrows away he will command baited breath,
thoughts of will he, quickened footsteps, sidelong
glances.

So I steady him with confidence,
hugs and handshakes. Gird
him with common sense, unquestionable
knowledge. Balance life's
inequities of vision with
stories of a heritage
supreme. And hope. But know,

Rude awakenings await this flesh and blood whose lot I
toil to better.

Progress is a Slow Traing Coming © 2005 Stefanie Worth – From “Conversational Silences”

My father has a habit of saying, “Time flies – whether you’re having fun or not.” Of course, as moments melt into years that pass faster and faster, I see just what he’s been trying to tell me all my life.

When I wrote the Progress poem, my oldest son was a toddler. Unquestionably the cutest and smartest toddler this side of heaven, many a day I would watch the news and look in his eyes with dread. “How long before this world snatches that sparkle?” I’d wonder.

Not quite as grown as he thinks he is, I can commend him for being serious, studious and an all-around upstanding young man. Nobody’s perfect, but he seems – from mom’s jaded vantage point anyway – to have turned out pretty darn well.

But I’ve reached the point in the poem where I take the part of my heart marked with his name and let him walk around in the world with it: No mom over his shoulder for on-the-spot advice, no nearby teacher for guidance – in other words, no safe-seeming adult at his side to shush the naysayers before they assume ill of my handsome black teenager and react verbally or physically in ways they shouldn’t.

Of course that worries the mess out of me.

Beyond the example of Jena, we had a local incident here in Michigan over the summer involving two young black men who were summarily rounded up in connection with a murder – then later released for lack of evidence. But the time they spent in lockup is not refundable, those scars are not erasable.

I had my son read the article that ran in the Michigan Front Page about the incident. Two teens with athletic aspirations and college plans, snatched from their day-to-day world – snap – just like that. His eyes widened. The similar ages, the incredible injustice, whatever it was, hit home. I hoped he could see how unfortunately easy it still is in this America to be mislabeled, railroaded because of that mislabeling and life-wrecked simply by being young, male and black.

So, like the poem says, I gird him with values and reality checks. I pray (a lot) for my boys and all those boys who live in our world village. And I vote.

Please don’t tell me you’re not registered. Or that you’re registered but you don’t take time to do your civic duty. Because if that’s the case DO NOT talk to me about the Jena 6, the nightly news, the latest Driving While Black case yada, yada, yada. I hope you didn’t bother to dress in black as protest and that you’re not forwarding protest emails. If you don’t vote, you are part of the problem.

You might disagree and, it’s a free country (because of those who vote), so that’s cool. But in the interest of doing everything in our power to rid the world of inequity, injustice, poverty and hatred, the majority numbers of “minorities” who do not vote are squandering their -- our collective -- power.

Progress.

It comes in many forms. With elections ahead, it’s time to do our part to prove we're trying to move the train forward.

All aboard?


Stefanie
www.stefanieworth.com

Birds of a Feather

I think there are two significant steps I took as an aspiring author that helped me reach my goal of being published: I joined Romance Writers of America and took part in all the online classes, genre-specific loops, and comraderie I could absorb; and secondly, I joined a local critique of like-minded writers.

Initially, my critique partners (CPs) met every two weeks, with each writer bringing 10-15 pages of her WIP (work-in-progress) for review and comment. After a year or so, I dropped out to focus on family and my day job. When I ran into one of my former CPs a few years later -- at a bookstore signing for her latest release -- she invited me to rejoin the group and I quickly took her up on the offer.

We still review about 10-15 pages of each other's work, though that varies. Over time, we've segmented into different romantic genres and the differences in our writing styles are very apparent. Mind you, this is not about your best friend's assessment of the book of your heart. We focus on plot, characterization, flow, etc. It's not personal (though we do like each other and that helps!). Because I write supernatural stories, I also belong to an online RWA critique group that focuses specifically on my sub-genre.

Both affiliations are more than worthwhile: they are motivational, inspirational and corrective when necessary. To say thanks for their support, my CPs are called out in the dedication for Where Souls Collide. Additionally, I've selected my friend and colleague, Karen White-Owens (a multi-published author) to launch my monthly author interview segment here.

Q) Karen, how long have you been writing and what made you start?

A) I've been writing for appropriately fourteen years. I started writing when I took a family medical leave to be with my mother during the last months of her life.

Q) What is the most important lesson you've learned as an author that you want to share with aspiring writers?

A) I think it's very important for an aspiring writer to become part of a writing community. Join a critique group. Go to writing conferences and find authors that write in the same genre to help you.

Q) Do you have a favorite character?

A) Cameron from As Long As There is Love is my favorite character. She made mistakes, but continued to strive for a better life for herself and her daughter.

Q) How would you describe your stories overall?

A) I believe I write contemporary mainstream novels with a twist of romance.

Q) Tell us about The Way You Aren't: What was your motivation/inspiration for the story?

A) The Way You Aren't was inspired by the Best Buy Geek Squad. I was driving along beside on of those Volkswagen Bugs with Geek Squad on the side and I started thinking about how geeks are always portrayed by men. I began to think about how a female version of the normal geek would act. By the time I arrived at work, I had outlined a story idea.

Q) What do you want readers to take away from the story? When will it be released?

A) The Way You Aren't will be released October 1st. I'd like readers to realize that we all have a little geek in us and to learn to practice tolerance with people who are different from you.

Q) How can readers contact you?

A) There's several ways to reach me. If you go to my website, Karenwhiteowens.com, you can e-mail me from there. Or, you can e-mail me directly at karenwhiteowens@yahoo.com

Thanks, Karen! Best of luck with The Way You Aren't!

Live. Love. Dream!

Stefanie

http://www.stefanieworth.com/